Radio Takeover
by Krein Styrv
Summary: Believe it or not, Kai and Ray have taken over a radio station! They have made radio history, as the funniest people after Don and Drew from 98.7which I do not own. Read, or be infected by their nutsoness
1. mad radio

**--I know this is complete crap. But this is funny crap. So, read, enjoy, review. 3 simple steps. Please follow.**

**Note: I don't own Kai or Ray or anything in this fanfiction. Or the 4 bands. Or the radio station. Or the chair that Kai falls off.I'm poor. So very poor. I don't even own the buttons that Ray pushes. Oh, the live of a sad me.**

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Ray and Kai have taken over a radio station. Let's listen to what they say, shall we?

-"Hey, can the listeners listen to what we have to say yet?"

-"Yeah, I think so. See? There's the 'On Air' sign lighting up."

-"On air? Does that explain why we're floating?"

-"What the hell? We're floating?" A very loud crash sound is heard. Kai has fallen off his chair.

-"Oops. Kai, are you alright?"

-"I just fell of a fucking chair onto the fucking floor. Do you think I'm alright?" Kai's voice is a bit distant.

-"Oh… No, I guess not. Hey, if there're kids listening to this then… Kids, shoo."

-"Why do you want them to leave?"

-"Cos' you swear too much."

-"Is that really a reason?"

-"No, there's a deeper meaning behind it… That parents don't want their kids learning swear words."

-"No shit, idiot."

-"Well, okay, since Kai refuses to stop saying swear words, I'll play some music to cover his talking." Ray presses a few buttons. Hey, which one is it?"

Ray keeps pressing buttons. Horrible noises. Screeching sounds. Until…

-"Hey, it's this one labeled 'Music'!"

--So some songs come onto the radio. Korn, System of a Down, Ronin and Atreyu. (A/N: I like these bands, so don't complain.)

-"Hello? Those bands have enough swear words to make up for mine."

-"Yeah, but at least I can censor those. I can't censor you."

-"Dude, that sounds so beep weird."

-"Hey, I can censor you!"

-"No beep, but it makes everything so beep boring without swear words."

-"Yeah, so true."

-"Have you fucking uncensored me yet? Hey, you have!"

-"Lookie, we just got an email!"

-"Hm? Yeah, read it."

-"Let's see… It says…

Holy cow. I didn't know that you guys had your own radio station… Oh, well.You guys are being total dickheads. If you guys weren't so damn fucking hot, I wouldn't be listening."

-"Well, at least someone supports us."

-"Cos' we're so fucking hot."

-"You know, it's kinda freaky when you say that."

-"Why?"

-"Cos', you're like, calling me hot as well."

-"Hey, I'm just quoting the person in the email!"

-"Hmm…"

-"You don't believe me, do you."

-"Nope. Cos' the Ray I know has been gay for… how long already?"

-"I am not, and have never been gay!"

-"Yeah, okay."

-"Sigh"

-"Okay, it's time for the traffic report."

Queer music plays. Kai reads what is going on in the traffic.

-"The junction beside Tyson fucking dickhead Kinomiya's house is jammed due to the reason that I am so damn fucking hot. There are fangirls blocking the road. I repeat, there are fangirls blocking the road. Do not go there. Near Ah Sou road, there is a vehicle breakdown. That is all.

-"Wow traffic's pretty easy today, huh?"

-"Hn."

-"Okay, while Kai 'Hns' his life away, it's time for Max's sunblock commercial."

A really horribly done sunblock commercial by Max.

-"Well, it's time to hand the radio station back to its rightful owners."

-"Cool, Kai just said something other than 'Hn'!"

-"Whatever."

OwArI

Review please, people. When you can, go check out my bro's account. It's coming in the next chappie, cos he hasn't created it yet. But he co-writed this, so give him some credit. He's only 7 this year(2005).

Signed, Kou On


	2. Give me names!

-"Hello, and welcome to…"

-"Hey, we don't really have a name, do we?"

-"Nope."

-"Then I'll name us the Takeover Group."

-"But we're not a group."

-"Okay, fine, the Takeover Duo."

-"I dunno. Sounds kinda queer."

-"The Overtaking Duo?"

-"I don't have a drivers' license."

-"Then what?"

-"The Amazing Kai Hiwatari and co.

-"Nope, too long."

-"How about The Amazing Kai and co.

-"What about me?"

-"What about you?"

-"My name isn't in that title."

-"Your point is…?"

-"My point is that this is hosted by the two of us, and not only you."

-"Oh, really? I thought you were one of the irritating back-stage crew who kept butting in.

-"What? I was not!"

-"I know. That's why I said that I thought, and not that I knew."

-"Oh, God, why hasn't a thunderbolt struck him yet?"

-"Because I'm just too darn hot, and God is a girl."

--Just then a thunderbolt strikes Kai. "I am not a girl!" A loud booming voice shouts from above.

All the listeners can hear while this is happening static.

-"Thank you, God, even if you are a girl." Wrong thing to say, Ray.

A thunderbolt struck Ray. Once again, all the listeners could hear was static.

So in the middle of the 'on air' room, there sat two charcoaled figures of Ray and Kai.

The sad part? We still don't know their group/duo names.

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I know this is a very short chappie, but what the hell. I know that this is very very strange, but it's the best I can do for the time being. Review, people.

Signed, Kou On


	3. Literally and Figuratively

Replies to reviews (note: I put the replies of chap 1 and 2 together):

**Ameliateen :**_ Thanks. I did, didn't I?_

**Tatitails410 : **_Well, thats funny to know. And so sorry, but I think the names a bit long. And I think I know where you got the name from..._

**KawaiiYoukai9517: **_Thanks! _

**AnimeGirl329: **_Yes, they did, and thanks for your first review too!_

**Bloodykittycat: **_Of course it is, and I would too!_

**Darkwaterwolf: **_Yup, I like those bands too, hahaha. Thanks._

--So the from the last time we picked off, Ray and Kai were mounds of blackish charcoalish ashy stuff that I would hate touching. So anyway, like good manga/anime/cartoon characters, they always seem to go back to normal. But that happens usually in cartoons only. So the boys are in their original bodies, just a bit sooty.

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-"We couldn't think of a suitable name, so we came up with Chewing Gum (Don't Own!) or maybe something else."

-"Hell, if we couldn't think of anything, then how did we come up with something? And I hate the name Chewing Gum."

-"So can we call ourselves Something Else?"

-"Hmm... Not bad. I could go with it."

-"Wow, Kai, look out! There's a flying pig!" Kai ducks

Nothing flys by. –"Dammit, there was nothing."

-"Which proves my point."

-"What? What point?"

-"That when Kai Hiwatari 'goes with' something, pigs fly!"

-"But there were no pigs!"

-"Yeah, I know. There was only one pig."

-"What crap I put up with..."

-"Yeah, I know. Must be hard being me, huh?

-"I said me!"

-"Yeah, I know, me."

-"No, me!"

-"Yeah, I know."

-"Eck, shut up."

-"Okay."

-Silence-

-"Hey, what does this button do?"

-", Ray, don't touch, it says Self Destruct."

-"Huh? Yeah, I knew that."

-"You're really getting on my nerves."

-"No, I'm not. I'm not small enough to get on them."

-"It's amazing how dense you can be."

-"Well, I take things literally, is that a problem?"

-"Well. Yes, if you have the bad luck to be put with me, I take things figuratively."

-"Then why'd you duck when the pig flew past?"

-"Are you admitting that the pig isn't real?"

-"No, just saying how... umm... What were we talking about?"

-"I think about how we take things figuratively and literally."

-"Ahh... Do I look like I care?"

-"You were the one who started the conversation."

-"Ermm... Music time?"

-"Yeah."

-And so, Metallica, Helloween, Bon Jovi and Green Day songs come on. (A/N: I don't know Metallica and Helloween music. I just heard of them.)

-Ray's singing American Idiot, replacing the words American Idiot with Kai Hiwatari.

-"Man, that sounds so wrong."

-"Well, if you weren't such a bitch to me, maybe I won't sing it."

-"When have I been a bitch to you more than anyone else?"

-"Oh, yeah that's right. Kai Hiwatari is a bitch to everyone!"

-"So glad you remembered."

-"By the way, someone sent us a music request."

-"Oh, really? How exciting." Kai's full of sarcasm.

-"Yeah, it says..." Kai snatches the writing from Ray.

-"You read it last time. Now let me read."

-"Yeah, okay."

-"Let's see... It goes... ---Can you guys play me Elton John? I want it to go out to my family and friends and you guys too. Any song from him will do.---

-"What the hell? I hate Elton John!"

-"Yeah, I know. I hate him too."

-"So we won't play it."

-"Good."

-"I rest my case."

-"Me too."

-"We have nothing more to say."

-"Yeah, I know."

-"Get ready to die."

-"Okay."

So how was that? Really strange, I know. Still, the best I can do is better than what my bro can do. Go check him out! His pen name is Keiichiro5. He writes the basic plot of story, and poor me has to type it in for him. Also, if you haven't yet, go read and review my other stories please!

* * *

Signed, Kou On. 


	4. POTS, gayness and stalkers

Oh my god... I'm so sorry I haven't updated for so long, but special things came up... Christmas, my birthday (today!) and Primary 6... I'm going to secondary next year, so this years exams are very important and yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah. And I'm studying in front of my computer... So be thankful and review please...

(I'm sorry, I'm not really in the mood to reply.)

* * *

When we stopped last time, Ray was going to get killed by Kai. But as all good cartoons work, a dead character will always come alive again. Now they captured a random P.O.T.S (person on the street) and decided to interrogate him.

* * *

**Bold** – what the POTS says

_Italic – _what Kai says

* * *

"So tell me, random POTS, what is your name?" Ray asks.

"**I'm not a pot."**

"_Tell me your name!"_ Kai roars at the poor POTS.

"**My name is Yijxo."**

"Okay, Yijxo... Have you ever heard of me, Ray and him, Kai?"

"**No. And I'd rather you not wave that saw in front of my face."**

"But it's fun! And you're supposed to be trembling down to your toes!"

"**I'm not. If I were, you'd be able to tell. "**

"Why?"

"**You took my shoes and socks off, fuckdammit."**

"_Aren't you the least bit scared?"_

"**No."**

"We're interrogating you... You're supposed to be scared."

"**But I'm not."**

"_Then act scared."_

"**No."**

"Can you say anything other than no?"

"_That's what I was wondering for quite a while."_

"Oh, you were? Good for you."

"_So can he?"_

"I dunno. He hasn't answered yet."

"_So answer, dammit."_

"**Yes, I can."**

"Yeah? What else can you say?"

"**Shut the hell up and get me untied!"**

"_But we're supposed to interrogate you!"_

"Yeah! So let us!"

"**No."**

"Why not?"

"**..."**

"_Answer!"_

"**... No."**

"_Argggghhhhh!"_ Kai reaches over and yanks on Yijxo's hair.

"**Ouch."**

"Girlie boy." Ray sneers and kicks Yijxo's shin.

"**I'm not girlie, you are."**

"No I'm not."

"**Yes, you are, see, your hair is long."**

"Doesn't make me a girl."

"**I have short hair."**

"So does Kai."

"**Are you guys gay or something? One has long hair, One does not."**

"So? Your brother's best friend is a guy. And he has long hair."

"**But I know my brother's gay."**

"_What? He is?"_

"**No. It's just an act to disrupt class."**

"Oh. Okay."

"**How did you know my brother's best friend is a guy and has long hair?"**

"Internet."

"**Wow. Am I that famous?"**

"Yeah. You have your own fansite."

"**Your joking."**

"I'm not."

"**Alright. I'll take your word for it. But I've never seen a fansite for you. Only for Kai."**

"That's just unfair."

"**I know."**

"..."

"**..."**

"_Idiots."_

"If you say so."

"_Your brother slept with his best friend's brother last night."_

"**No way. My bro's 17, and his best friend's bro is... what, 10?"**

"_No, actually, he's 9._

"How do you know?"

"_Fansite."_

"That little boy has a fansite?"

"**Yeah. Created by squealing high school girls who love him."**

"But he's 9!"

"**A very cute 9 year old."**

"So now you're gay too?"

"**No. I just happen to know. I see him get jumped every time he goes out for ice cream or something."**

"_Stalker."_

"**What?"**

"_Gay stalker."_

"**No, I'm not."**

"How do you know so much about him, then?

"**He's my bro's friend's bro. How can I not know?"**

"_Good point."_

"I'm sick of talking."

"_Yeah, me too."_

"**Night."

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**

Oh, god. My mind is blank. Sorry. For the crappy update, but homework's really pushing me down... This is nonsense that lost the humor, I guess. I didn't put much effort in... I'm sorry. Plus, school just started... Blah.

Signed, Kou On.


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